Santa gets “on his bike” for Xmas deliveries

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A senior SpokesElf for Santa Claus has confirmed that this Xmas the traditional deliveries would be made using sustainable transport. Santa will be using a specially designed electric assist cargo bike to service Xmas stockings around the world.

“We had to move to a 21st century technology” said the SpokesElf “The reindeer methane emissions meant that the North Pole couldn’t meet its COP22 and Kyoto climate change targets”. In addition, Santa’s multiple manifestations were contributing to traffic congestion “Deliveries to South Auckland, for example, weren’t completed until after New Year, due to gridlock on the Southern Motorway.”

Another important factor was Santa’s health “Obesity is a real hazard in his profession. We’d had him on statins and beta blockers for some time, but there was a real risk of the delivery programme collapsing if he had a cardiac arrest”. Santa has been in training for the 24 December ride, and is seeing positive effects already “Mrs Claus in particular is appreciative of the new, slimmer Santa”.

Santa’s helpers expect the 2016 deliveries to go smoothly, “particularly in Auckland where the Northwest cycleway, and the award winning Lightpath/Te Ara i Whiti, facilitate bicycle transport” Deliveries to the North Shore will be facilitated in future years by SkyPath.

The situation is more mixed in Wellington. “It’s going to be pretty good for Island Bay and Tawa where there are protected cycle lanes, but outside of that Santa will have to take care”. Several elves have qualified as Pedal Ready instructors, and are giving Santa the confidence to ride efficiently in regular traffic.

There are concerns in the US, where the incoming Trump administration is believed to be insisting that Santa uses Detroit built sleighs powered by Nebraska tar sands. In Britain, Brexit may mean that Saint Nicolaus, an EU citizen, will not be able to undertake his share of the Yuletide deliveries.

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